My daughter and I have this super terrifying video game she wants to play. I'm going through it with her/for her, and most of it hasn't been too scary to this point. You reach a point in the game where it gives you a weapon, and suddenly the themes of dread, terror, and fear from the game become my own and I'm frozen. The music picks up, I'm supposed to fight now. But I can't. I just squeeze my eyes shut and tell my daughter not to look. Jumpscares and attacks occur, and they're piercing through my body. I'm asking her to turn it off. It's like the game becomes first person instead of playing it on a device. She sees some super scary images, I feel terrible. We have it paused mid attack. She desperately wants to see the ending. We are sitting in my childhood home, it's an unfamiliar room but I know it's the old trailer, and also a different trailer my daughter grew up in. My husband is in the house, he isn't sure we should keep playing. I decide I'll try again, but it takes me totally into the game. It's first person and there I am standing with this little tiny knife, and this scary looking cartoon guy distorting himself to come after me. I cry and beg for the game to be paused, I can't do it, the scary sounds and slashes hurting me. It's like I'm groggy and can't see straight, I keep trying to just keep my eyes closed and run but I can't run either. I go to attack the thing, but I'm paralyzed by fear and can't swing my arm to cut it with a knife. It distorts itself again and seems to mock me. A worse enemy is coming I can feel it. I say "fuck it!" And a gun appears in my hand. I shoot the monster and it runs from me, leading me to a basement. I keep shooting, and suddenly I'm fast, strong, and going to kill that little fucker. He disappears into a vent and I start checking rooms. Nothing and nobody. Suddenly an end of game thing starts going, where you've become a part of the hive mind. I blink, and exit the first person point of view. My daughter is happy that I finished it. I wonder what possessed us to get such a scary game. The load screen is still up on the TV, I'm trying to close it out and delete it, I feel afraid after the experience. I accidentally start another new load, and again I'm thrown into first person. I have more confidence now, and I give chase to the enemy right away before it starts attacking. I'm shooting at it, jumping stairs to fill him with bullets faster. He leads me to the basement again. He disappears into the vent, and I start checking rooms like I did last time, but no end of game stuff starts happening. I have to explore the dark rooms, and I just know it's too much for now. I close my eyes and try to exit the game, I'm calling out to my husband. I hear a dryer start. He doesn't respond. I think "that's weird", my voice feels quiet. I try again but louder, and wake myself from the dream completely.
This dream seems to weave together themes of fear, protection, and the complexity of navigating difficulties while parenting. Here’s a breakdown of some key elements and what they may symbolize:
Video Game Setting: Video games often represent challenges or tasks you are navigating in life, but they can also symbolize escapism. The fact that this is a terrifying game could indicate that you feel overwhelmed by a situation in your waking life, possibly related to your daughter or your responsibilities as a parent.
You and Your Daughter: Your role in the dream as both a protector and a participant in the game suggests a deep-seated fear of not being able to shield your daughter from harm or scary experiences. Your desire to pause the game and protect her reflects an instinct to shield your child from fear and trauma, mirroring the protective nature of parenthood.
Transition from Player to Character: The shift from playing the game to being immersed in it may indicate that you feel like you’re losing control over a situation in your life and being thrust into an uncomfortable position. It may symbolize feelings of vulnerability or helplessness—as if you’re part of a larger narrative that you cannot easily escape or navigate.
Fear and Paralysis: Your initial paralysis and terror when confronted with the enemy represent feelings of helplessness in the face of challenges or fears in your life. This could relate to specific anxieties—perhaps regarding your daughter’s well-being or your fears of being ineffective as a parent.
Transformation into Confidence: The moment when you find a weapon and begin to fight back symbolizes a shift in your attitude or approach to the problem at hand. This may reflect your subconscious recognition that while fear is a natural part of life, you are capable of facing and managing challenges.
Multiple Settings: The transition between your childhood home and your daughter's trailer could indicate a blend of generational fears, reflecting your past experiences as they interplay with your current life and responsibilities. The blending of spaces may symbolize a reconciliation of your own history with your present role as a mother.
Resolution and Disconnect: The feeling of relief when you finish the game but the subsequent fear and the accidental restart may symbolize the cyclical nature of challenges and anxieties in life. It suggests that even when you think you’ve overcome a fear or challenge, those feelings can re-emerge unexpectedly.
Waking from the Dream: The dryer sound and calling out for your husband may signify a need for grounding and the importance of support in your waking life, emphasizing that you're seeking reassurance and connection amidst your experiences.
Overall, this dream reflects the internal conflicts that arise from motherhood, the desire to protect your child from fears of the world, and your own grappling with feelings of control or lack thereof. It suggests a journey from fear to empowerment, highlighting a natural progression of growth and resilience in the face of daunting challenges.